Stupid me. I've screwed up again. It doesn't really matter how, it's just another obstacle in my path. What I should have done and what I did are two entirely different things. I think if I ever woke up and had a day that was normal and easy I would have a heart attack at the end of it just from pure shock. I wish I could shut my mind off. It is easier to exist if you don't attach yourself to others. Probably the reason I have so many books. Why can't he see what I see?