Saturday, September 11, 2010
Stupid me. I've screwed up again. It doesn't really matter how, it's just another obstacle in my path. What I should have done and what I did are two entirely different things. I think if I ever woke up and had a day that was normal and easy I would have a heart attack at the end of it just from pure shock. I wish I could shut my mind off. It is easier to exist if you don't attach yourself to others. Probably the reason I have so many books. Why can't he see what I see?
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I don't know why I even bother to write this stupid thing. No one ever bothers to read it except me. I guess it just makes me feel better. I recently made a huge mess of the most wonderful thing I was ever a part of. I didn't even realize until it was to late. My eyes are open wide now for sure but that doesn't fix the broken heart or the fact that I miss what I lost everyday. I still cry. I've been so stupid, and selfish. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I have to tell myself I'm not walking alone. That God is holding me up, if I will take the steps. I forget that. What if I can never get back what I lost? What if it is gone forever? I will never forgive myself. I'm so upset and distracted. Yesterday a song came on the radio (a meaningful song) and I pulled into the left lane to me a left turn. I had to turn on red cause nobody could go anywhere till I moved. I hope it gets better!