Friday, July 30, 2010

I miss my grandpa! It will be 6 years since he past away come August. The pain is as fresh as ever. Sometimes I cry so hard and feel such agony I wish I could rip out my heart. You see he was like my father. He did all the thing my real dad should have done. He was such a strong man all of his life. He NEVER complained. Not even when they diagnosed him with an incurable disease. Not as it got harder and harder for him to breath. Not as he lost the ability to do the things he loved. Not as he lay on the couch as home withering away. Not once did he complain! Not about the endless painful shots, oxygen mask, or the pills that did no good. I feel so guilty because the sicker he got the more I stayed away. I couldn't bear the pain of seeing him that way. He had always been a mountain and he was crumbling before my eyes. I wasn't there the day he died, we were on vacation. I cannot blame myself for that. My grandma was with him when he went... in his sleep. But the raging pain I feel has not diminished. In fact it has gotten worse every year. I wish I knew why. I love you grandpa.....Clark Edward Smith (1928-2004).