A Sad Day

Today was sad. A few days ago a very dear friend of our family passed away, and we went to the calling hours today. When we arrived the line wound through the building and down the front steps of the funeral home. that's how amazing this woman was. she touched every life she came in contact with. She loved everyone! She was an amazing wife, mother, and grandmother! Seeing that line was a "wow" moment for me. What kind of person lives their life in such a way that so many people are touched by it? I want to be that kind of person. She was and will continue to be an inspiration in my life and the lives of those of us who remember her. I know she is in heaven, there is no doubt in my mind. Still, I grieve for what we have lost and I pray for comfort for her family. Like her son put it "She was a mother to all"! She really was.

What I think about at 1 am

It's almost 1:30 in the morning and I realized as I was sitting here...it is crazy what you think about in the middle of the night. most people don't think about much because they're asleep. But those of us who tend to stay up later than most have a lot of quite time to ourselves, to you know, think and stuff. I find it irritating how the people you love can make you so mad that you just want to slug 'em and 5 minutes later everything is okay again. It isn't fair! You don't get the full value out of your "mad" time. And sometimes they don't even realize they have made you mad and you have to spell it out for them. OH that's the worst, because by the time your done explaining it, your not that mad anymore. And love! Oh my! What a heart wrenching, wonderful mess that is. You happily, stupidly stay up 4 hours late just to say "Hi and I love you" before he leaves for work. You watch his youtube videos just so you can hear his voice and see him when he isn't around. I know....pathetic! And you spend your time wondering...does he miss me this much or am I being stupid? Maybe I misread that last signal or something! But then you think "no your just tired and stupid young one". I gotta learn not to over think everything. It's a bad habit I got from my dad. The love is there, the trust is there! This is the one, it has to be. Could anything be better? Not everyday is a walk in the clouds, but my feet are further from the ground than they used to be.

Relationship

I have been walking around in a state of constant disbelief for the last two weeks. My mind is constantly preoccupied. I have Never felt this way, never connected with someone like this. My stomach has never been so constantly tied up in knots over someone. Somedays I'm sure I could fly if I jumped off the roof (although I have abstained from trying it). At night I lie awake and think and when I sleep I dream. I push the replay button when the sappy love songs come on my mp3 player. I started cleaning ON PURPOSE! Some days I can't eat. Everything reminds me of something.

Update on life

Well it's been a while folks. So I guess an update is in order. I went through a rough patch last sunmmer and winter. But Things are on the up and up now. I have a wonderful boyfriend named Jason. I go back to college in the fall. Family is doing well. I still miss Dad but I see him occasionally. Egypt is still kickin and she is pushing 12 years old. My hamster died (poor toddy). The Cats are all good. Basically I am the happiest I have been in a long time!

Thoughts spawned from a sleepless night

I didn't sleep at all, again. We leave for vacation in Gatlinberg in two days. Mom, Shayne and myself, as well as our friends Michele and her daughter Danielle. We leave on Tuesday and don't return until Saturday. Much fun is expected!

Uncle Roger found a nest of kittens under the hay combine last Saturday. Two of them were killed before he realized they were there, but the third one survived. It didn't even have its eyes open yet. He took it in to Grandma and she took care of it. As of today the kitten, a male dubbed Squish-Kitty, is doing fine and makes a lovely new addition to the family.

I have recently become obsessed with a George Strait song that until a week ago I didn't know existed. I'm not sure why. It doesn't have any meaning for my life whatsoever. But I continue to listen to it over and over again. I'm afraid the track may give out on me soon.

I miss my dad. He has to have an MRI on his shoulder on Monday. The Doc thinks he may have a torn rotater cuff or a ripped tendon. He is in a lot of pain all the time. Father's Day is always a hard day for me. I think it's a hard one for him too. No tears, Just emptiness where there shouldn't be.

I had to have a shot for poison ivy this week. I am also on extreme doses of steroids which make me grumpy. For some reason, all I have to do is look at poison ivy cross-eyed and I'll catch it. I can get it off the animals or other people's clothes, even from just standing to close to the stupid plant. In this particular case my brother was kind enough to share it with me. The butt! (my brother not the poison ivy) I also had an exceptional amount of blood drawn at the hospital on Tuesday. My Doc is trying to find out why my blood isn't clotting the way it should. *sigh*

On the brighter side, I passed all my classes this quarter and wasn't forced to drop anything due to Mono. I should have graduated this year! But due to my unfortunate 2 quarter battle with Mono, I am now stuck attending fall quarter yet again. Ugh!

I am grumpy! I just reread my blog. Oh Well, Cheerfulness is overrated. And excessive Cheerfulness is annoying.

Finals Freakout!!

Well it's that time once again. Finals!! I have a history final on Monday June 8th and Anthropology and Math finals on Tuesday June 9th. Then, Praise the Lawd, I'm done for the summer. But, until the last final is taken and I have turned it in, I will be in a constant state of freakout. I hate it. I try not to get to worked up over it, but I always end up totally stressed. I study as hard as I can and do everything I can to do well on my finals but it never feel like I have done enough. It drives me nuts. I won't sleep well until I'm done with my classes and I know my final grades. I wish I couls see the future and know what was gonna happen. Usually I don't care to know what is gonna happen next in my life, but when it comes to my academic career it would be so nice to know. Even if it was gonna be bad, at least I would know and I wouldn't have to worry about it for weeks. Yes, I realize I'm whining. Sometimes I just need to! Anyway, if you run into me in the next couple of days and I am grumpy and look like I haven't slept in six weeks...this is why.

Ask God: 10 Questions for the Ultimate Creator

All of my life I have ask my mother questions that she couldn't answer. It seems there are some questions that only God can answer. I have compiled a list of questions that have plagued my mind for ages. When I get to Heaven...these are the questions I am going to as God.

1.) Where did you come from?

I know that God created the world and that he has been around longer than any human being can comprehend. I also know that God created Jesus. So....where did God come from. The answer that he has just always been is incomprehensible to my human mind. When I ask God this question he either need to explain where he came from or help me to understand the real meaning of forever.



2.) Was there ever...or is there... in a Galaxy far far away, a world similar to ours?

The Bible says that God created the world. It also says he created the heavens. It says nothing however about any other planets containing life. But, the Bible was created as a guide for humans on this planet. that doesn't mean God couldn't have created another world somewhere else.



3.) Why create cats? Why not unicorns or mermaids? I mean come on...cats for crying out loud!

Unicorns are beautiful and mysterious. Mermaids are are similar to humans...except for the tail. What good are cats? They come into your house and take over! They quietly take over your entire life. They're cats. Their goal is world domination!



4.) Why couldn't we have direct contact with you so you could tell us what you want?

When we pray, it is so hard to wait for a sign about what we should do or for an answer. Why couldn't we hear your voice in our head. It would be so much easier to do what you wanted if we knew what it was.



5.) Why did/does life have to be so hard?

A pretty self explanatory question if you ask me.



6.) If there isn't life on other planets, then what are the UFOs people have been seeing for centuries?

I would like an exact explanation for this. It has always bugged me. Give me a visual please!
7.) What's the deal with Bigfoot and Lochness? Do they or Don't they?
If they exist, why can't we find them? Are they just the ultimate hide-and-seek champions or are they figments of the incredible human imagination?


8.) Why do bad things happen to good people? And why are nasty people allowed to get away with so much?
Again pretty self explanatory!


9.) Do you really hear every single tiny, little prayer of all the gazillions of prayers being prayed every minute?
If you do Kudos to you, but how do you do it?


10.) What was your favorite memory of my life?

Of all the things that happened in my life, of all the moments...what was your favorite?

So those are my questions! If you read this blog and think..."hey, I have questions to!" feel free to add them to my list in a comment. I would love to know what they are.